11:38AM

    It’s 9:04AM Thursday. We're at hospital for a routine non-stress test on baby. I'm sitting in the car waiting for appointment to be over as Tamar texts me, “come now, baby just had a bad decel,” “getting rushed to triage,” meaning baby's heart rate dropped during a bad contraction. Tamar was then rushed from one side of the hospital with 3-4 nurses escorting her to triage. Yes, just like in the movies. In the meantime, I’m running from the parking lot into triage, wondering if Tamar’s doing fine. I finally get to triage, and Tamar’s face was indescribable. Emelia’s heart rate goes back to normal. Tamar is calmer. Doc decides to induce labor. About 2 hrs pass, as nurse is explaining the process of inducing and going through hospital protocols, the stuff one just nods and says yes, Emelia has another decel. 4-5 nurses rush in all calm. They try to get baby’s heart rate back on the monitor. The nurses all seem calm. I’m freaking out inside. I’m holding Tamar’s hand trying to calm her down. Of course being the man, one can’t show it. They wheel Tamar into the operating room for an emergency C-section. They hand me a gown, cap for my non-existent hair, mask, etc, and explain the types of anesthesia they will administer to Tamar. Tamar gets the spinal, but it traveled up towards her chest causing her to not be able to breathe properly. So anesthesiologist gives general anesthesia to put Tamar under completely. While this happens, I hear on the PA system several times, “rapid response team needed in OR1,” “rapid OB team needed in OR1,” several times. My wife just got wheeled in there. I think she’s in OR1. Um, heart rate goes up like I was just in an p90x workout. “Can someone come and talk to me in the corner?”

    10 minutes later I hear the lullaby over the PA system of when a baby is born. I can’t tell if that’s ours. A nurse comes out to explain what happened. My heart rate calms down. I take the gown off. Now I wait to see both girls. Nurse explains that Tamar has to go to recovery and won’t be awake for a while. But I can go meet Emelia. Tamar is going to be upset that I see her first. As I wait to go up and meet Emi, nurse comes over to say, “did you get the time she was born?” “No.” “It was 11:38AM.” Tears started. It became a reality. Yes, as cheesy and cliche as that sounds. It’s real. She’s here. Emelia Nayri is named after both our sisters. Melia is Lori’s middle name and Nayri is my sister’s name. So we wanted to honor them this way. She has one morkour (Armenian for sister from mother’s side) and one horkour (Armenian for sister from father’s side).
    I go to see this girl and all I see is the hair on her head and the bright pinkish red. At 5 lbs 7 oz, this petite girl held on to my finger like it was a matter of life and death. As she got pricked for the first time to check her blood sugar, she started wailing. All I could do is console her, saying it’s going to be alright. Like she will remember any of this?! Like she will remember I said that. I’m remembering the wailing though. I saw the back of her throat. The veins in her throat popping because of her yelling.
    All I could think of was the God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit relationship. I finally understood a glimmer of the pain the Father felt as His Son dealt with the excruciating pain of the cross for us. It wasn’t a little prick for a blood sugar test. It was whip after whip after whip. It was nails. It was a crown for a King. It was suffocating. It was unimaginable pain. All I could do is hold Emi’s little hands and say it’s going to be ok. I can’t even imagine what God the Father did as He saw His dear Son get crucified. Jesus’ pain was not to see if his blood sugar was high. Jesus’ pain and torture was so that we as man and woman are free of eternal pain and separation from God. Jesus’ pain and torture was so that one day I can stand in the Father’s presence instead of enduring the pain and torture. Hopefully one day, Emi will understand this as well. What a lesson to learn as Palm Sunday and Easter are in a couple weeks.
    How can this whole process of womb to real world be attested to randomness? How can one not see an amazing Creator? Everything in the anatomy designed too perfectly to be random, sorry it just can’t be. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Spirit designed it perfectly. Thank you for Emi’s big eyes, hair, warmth, and cuteness. She has come into the world with such a story. I’m sure Tamar will have a better way of telling the stories. I’ll stick to the 18MM lens.

The Next Generation Armenian

   (Disclaimer: I'm not one to be self-promoting. I actually can't stand it. But since I see an overwhelming number of pictures on Facebook regarding 1915, I'm sharing the sermon that I will deliver tonight in Armenian.  Plus, my blog hasn't been updated in an almost a year, so I guess it's time to say something.)

I love being Armenian. I love the foods. Only, if I could I would eat dolma, kebab, hommous, every day. I love the energy level that Armenians talk at: we don’t know how to speak with a low voice. It’s like we’re fighting every moment. I love the culture for its music and powerful poetry. I love how we have silly sayings like “medznas eh, guh mornas.” I love that we have known heroes like Vartan Mamigonian, Krikor the Illuminator, and Mesrop Mashdots.  We have key historical dates memorized like 301, 451, 1896, 1915, 1918, etc. I remember when I went to college and seminary, people would ask me what kind of last name I had, or the fact that they had never met an Armenian. This of course then led to a historical lesson of who Armenians are and how they ended up in the Middle Eastern countries. I love being Armenian, but to be honest-I love being a Christian even more.
    In this opening section to the Ephesians, the Apostle Paul highlights the many blessings one has in Christ. Time does not permit to really expound on these 7 verses, so I want to just bring our attention and remind us of three blessings that Christ bestows.
    The first blessing is that Christians are ‘adopted’ as sons and daughters into the family of Christ. Just like my last name Mekredijian, reflects that I belong to the family of baptists, as Christians-we’re part of the family of Christ. God functions as our Father. We can come to Him when we’ve fallen of “life’s playground set.” He’s the one who disciplines us in our disobedience, of course to help edify and shape us to be like His son. When was the last time we crawled up into His lap? I love being Armenian, but adoption in Christ’s family is far better.
    The second blessing is we’ve been redeemed through the shedding of Christ’s blood. Since God is holy and we’re not, when we die we can’t stand in His presence. Sin is an obstacle and payment is required for that disobedience. Instead of condemning us to hell, which is separation from God, which we deserve, God loves us too much that He sends His son as payment for our sins on our behalf. Instead of us enduring the torture, He redeems us with His son’s blood as payment. That’s how rich God’s love is for us. When was the last time we thanked God for sending Jesus? I love being Armenian, but redemption for my sin is far better.
    The third blessing which is connected to redemption, is we’re forgiven. Not only does God redeem us from eternal separation, but He also says “We’re forgiven from these sins, ” Because of Christ’s work on the cross, God promises to never remember the sin we committed against Him. When was the last time we forgave someone because we know the worth of forgiveness shed by Christ? I love being Armenian, but being forgiven is far better.
    In v. 8, the Apostle Paul uses a word, to describe these blessings, God “lavished” it on us. It’s like if God was filling our cup for water, but didn’t stop when the cup was full. God’s love is lavished on us through the cross. He has given us an opportunity to be adopted, redeemed, and forgiven. God also says all those who come in repentance and believe in what Jesus has done, will enjoy the ultimate blessing of living with Him forever. We, Armenians are passionate people, especially when it comes to our heritage, then where’s our passion for what Jesus has done for us? Is it not a passion that cost 1.5 million Armenian lives? I love being Armenian, but what Christ does and gives to us is far better.
    Here’s my challenge: in light of what has happened in 1915, I would love to see a generation to not only be proud of who they are as Armenians-but to be proud because of what Jesus has done for them. Do we understand this love shed on the cross? Do we know it in our hearts? Do we believe in it? Do others see it? If we’ve answered no, then it’s time to really invest in understanding God’s word and see what is expected of Christians.
    I would love to see a generation raised up to not only be proud of who they are as Armenians, but to be proud because they’ve been adopted by Christ. I would love to see a generation to be proud of their Armenian heritage, but to be even more proud because they’ve been redeemed by Christ. I would love to see Armenians of Fresno be proud and only boast in the forgiveness that was exhibited by Christ. Imagine the revival that would spark in all our Armenian churches. I love being Armenian, but what Christ does and gives to us is far better.

Hate

I was at someone's house last night and the child there was warned to not do what she was doing, because then she would hurt her head. To what she shared, it would be ok to die, because then she would be with Jesus. I would do anything to have that lack of fear in life. No wonder Jesus asks us to come like the faith of a child. And throughout the years, as we get older it will get worse and worse.

Today was a weird day. Maybe that's why it explains staring at this screen now, with Hillsong playing in the ear. I went to speak at a high school and on the way 90s rock, Nirvana, Offspring, Live, etc was blasting. While driving, I yelled the lyrics out (yes I was one of those people singing), I was excited to go and share God's word to a group of high schoolers (irony: going to speak at a high school and hearing songs that I grew up with in high school). The real irony was and I told them, that you probably won't remember me speaking here-but I would hope that you would take the commitment God calls us to seriously. It will often look like we 'hate our parents,' or even to the degree 'hate' the things we truly love to do, play sports or excel in school (it was a Fellowship of Christian Athletes group).

Getting old sucks. Going to the physical therapist and him telling me I should stay away from p90x and Insanity because of what it's doing to my back-sucked. Not doing these work-outs or not playing soccer or bball, has killed my discipline, my commitment level. In addition, are Facebook, Fantasy Basketball, Instagram, Words with Friends, Scramble, TV-really taking up my time/commitments? I have the 'hate' thing backwards. I'm supposed to be 'hating' these things, and committing to the extraordinary God-instead He looks ordinary through my life-He's getting put aside because my apps/games are more important.

Only if I lived like the little girl.

Only if I wasn't so concerned with stats of my bball players.

Only if I lived with the faith, joy, expectancy, and eagerness that any minute now I can see Jesus, and that's totally awesome. 

Maybe that's what I should have shared to the high schoolers.

a glimpse into a Pastor's head on Monday.

In my opinion, blogging equals venting. Sure, it can also be a place where people get a glimpse into one's creative outlet. It's also a glimpse to people who really want to read what's going on...welcome to my mind and experiences from yesterday.

I've changed my days off to Mondays. Wednesdays were not working. It would be the middle of the week and I would have 10 million things to do still-never really tuned out and get to do the things I wanted to do, like walk/drive aimlessly and take pictures. I couldn't tune out by entering the world of Zelda or Mario, or maybe to put my soccer skills to test against the computer. Ironic, a Pastor wanting to tune out.

In seminary, the professor was very strict on the days off, but also encouraged us to not take Mondays off. Here's why and the main reason to my post today (I wanted to give you a glimpse in a span of 15 minutes the things that I was reminded of):

On Mondays, especially if you just preached the previous day you're mind is going through all kinds of scenarios that happened from 11AM-12:15pm. While preaching..."Why was that person frowning when I was making this point?" "Why do they always sleep? Am I boring?" "Why do they come if they consistently sleep?" "Maybe that was too harsh, but that's God's truth." "I could have used a different illustration.""I'm moving around too much." "They're looking right at me, but their mind is on something else." "She comes, how come her husband's not there." After the sermon the comments pitched while we shake hands and say Good Morning, "Please try to keep it short." I thought 25 mins was short. "Next time you have to work on your power point." Um...that's the first time I've seen you in church. I've had power points every time. "You're yelling too much, you're going to have a heart attack." Some of the positive yet ironic ones: "Good sermon." (Funny, I thought you were sleeping.) "Great sermon, the part I really liked was..." long awkward pause the part about... (Funny, didn't mention anything about that.)

But the real positive ones: "It's a good thing you didn't do a power point, it would have distracted us. Your sermon was very linear. You built up to this one big point (homiletics: that's called big idea!). I liked that." "You're right-what's He worth to us? What are we willing to do to show that?!" I'll stop here-pride is lurking at the door.

The day after a Sunday if it's not filled with things to do-to keep the mind distracted, then it will enter this black hole of: I should have said this, made a point to say hello to this person, did the sermon challenge them, is it registering on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, why wasn't so and so there, I hope that person comes again, are they looking at the Bible or Facebook, surfing the web, what are people truly thinking about when I said that in my sermon...

Some may find this post uncomfortable. Not my intention. Just a glimpse--there's more, this was the G-rated version. Some think that pastors just work an hour. Yes, it took me an hour to put together a sermon that has all kinds of background to the text, put illustrations at key places, thought of key questions to challenge you, created an outlined that flowed (made sense), typed 4 pages single spaced in an hr (sorry sarcasm). It's been said that the 1 hr of church equals an 8 hr work day for a pastor. So here's to tuning out. I wish I was out amongst those trees with a nice wide-angle lens on my camera. Not enough time to get up there. So here's to a book, TV, organizing home office, Trader Joe's and Costco, and most likely what April 15th's sermon will be like. Cause let's be honest-I can't really tune out.

A mash up of Skywalk.

So Facebook wouldn't let me upload this. I want to see if it works here. This took me literally forever to make, roughly 4-5 hrs, with editing pics, putting music in and figuring out the program. A fun night.

Some Bluntness Before 2012.

Stanford University

It seems to me that saying what's on our minds has become the norm. (So here's a little taste of my mind...) Showing parts of our body is not shameful. "Statuses" express things that we wouldn't normally say. Pictures posted show a side that is unexpected. Behind the lens, in the virtual reality of FB, instagram, blogs, twitter, or whatever else fills up our time, we may be different people. Then again maybe these things 'filter' us and they post us as people we desire to be, but don't have the 'cohones' to really be. I know I need to filter-but today the blog is not for that.

I'm truly tired of it. This post is a venting rant. You have been forewarned. (not in any particular order)

 1. I'm tired of doing the same thing over and over again.

2. I want to live without worrying about money.

3. I want people (especially women) to really consider what pictures they post. Men are horny.

4. I want to be spontaneous, but often am limited to, maybe $ has to do with it.

5. I really want to be in a house, so I can have people over all the time.

6. I don't want to worry if people like me, or they 'have to' because I'm their pastor.

7. I want to have everyone over for New Year's that I love and care about (the 1075 friends on FB...hehe)

8. I truly want to see a godly revival happen. I look out every Sunday into a congregation for the past 5 years and hope that Christ is moving in their hearts...then get disappointed, because I rarely see people "REACTING TO GOD'S AMAZINGNESS!" Maybe I'm the hindrance.

9. I feel like we do what we do because that's the way it is, I'm tired of that answer and that way.

10. I want to truly be creative on my day off. It boils to a frustration rant like this.

11. I'm tired of blending in with the crowd...time to leave an imprint on the world.

12. I will be sad if my purpose in God's plan is just to be a mediocre pastor. (Then again, what constitutes a great pastor?)

(As the venting is happening, I'm noticing that some of these have to do with money...I'm about to puke.)

13. I want a darkroom or a place for a design studio. Then again, my life for the past 8 yrs hasn't reflected any design...so I'm all talk?

14. I want to win a photo contest (pride talking). Once someone told me that my scenery pics weren't that great, that I should stick to taking pics of people. It's funny how the negative criticism is always remembered.

15. I want to travel (again selfishness...but hey it's ok in a world that selfishness is celebrated.)

16. I'm on 5 Armenian Evangelical Boards, seriously, what's wrong with me? Nothing ever gets done, why do I put myself through these tortures?

17. I'm scared of what kind of person I would be if I was filthy rich. A bit ironic considering what I've written.

18. I've always been curious what if I took the "red pill" and never went to seminary?

19. I wonder what will be shared at my funeral.

20. I don't want to be critical about anything.

21. I've noticed people really don't care anymore about anything. Funny thing is then why would they care about this blog.

If you read this, I truly mean it: I hope 2012 is great for you. Then again you will hear, read, see it over and over again for the next week, so what makes my hope for you so special?

FEAST Your Eyes on This!

 

The Parable of the Wedding Feast (Matthew 22)

And again Jesus spoke to them in parables, saying,"The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who gave a wedding feast for his son, and sent his servants to call those who were invited to the wedding feast, but they would not come. Again he sent other servants, saying, 'Tell those who are invited, See, I have prepared my dinner, my oxen and my fat calves have been slaughtered, and everything is ready. Come to the wedding feast.' But they paid no attention and went off, one to his farm, another to his business, while the rest seized his servants, treated them shamefully, and killed them. The king was angry, and he sent his troops and destroyed those murderers and burned their city. Then he said to his servants, 'The wedding feast is ready, but those invited were not worthy. Go therefore to the main roads and invite to the wedding feast as many as you find.' And those servants went out into the roads and gathered all whom they found, both bad and good. So the wedding hall was filled with guests.

"But when the king came in to look at the guests, he saw there a man who had no wedding garment. And he said to him, 'Friend, how did you get in here without a wedding garment?' And he was speechless. Then the king said to the attendants, 'Bind him hand and foot and cast him into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.' For many are called, but few are chosen."

Wow. I'm not wowing at the beginning. That's understandable. I'm shocked at the end about the man who came in without a wedding garment. My first thought is, what if that's all he had? Where's God's mercy in that? Maybe he was one of the bad people. But you have to reread the parable and look at the end of the 1st paragraph..."both bad and good," came. It's taking me a while to process this. Even after this post I will continue to process it. This parable caught my attention and absolutely scares me to death. 

God's throwing a wedding feast. A FEAST. Maybe similar to today's "feasts" (OK that could be a big stretch.) The best of the best is prepared for us by GOD--yet we often respond by not coming. Our 'businesses' are too important to leave them and go to this FEAST. He sent other servants to remind them to come...nah, my farm or business is more important! Apparently we need days like 'Thanksgiving' to remind us of what God has done on the cross (can you pick up on my sarcasm?). How many of us will forget what God did tomorrow AM or even as we make room for the pumpkin pie coming down to an already stuffed stomach? At what point do you keep asking someone to come to something if they clearly don't want to come? I'm shocked because there's a time where mercy will not be offered anymore. Do people know that God's FEAST will be no more at sometime or are they truly ignorant? (that's not bad...it just needs more of those who are aware, to say something.)

I'm also sad for the man who came in without any wedding garments. Maybe the man has the means to put on wedding garments, but doesn't. I don't know. My comments here are premature and without any study or prayer through it. But I'm sad for the guy. I'm also sad to the many who know what kind of FEAST God will provide, yet come half-heart-ed. Or don't want to come, period. I'm sad for people like me who have an idea to have complete strangers in his home for Thanksgiving, yet doesn't. Yup, I'm a coward. I'm sad for the people who will be in the outer darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. 

"Erasing Hell," by Francis Chan might help, a little. "God has the right to do WHATEVER He pleases (Psalm 115:3). If I've learned one thing from studying hell, it's the last line. And whether or not you end up agreeing with everything I say about hell, you must agree with Psalm 115:3. Because at the end of the day, our feelings and wants and heartaches and desires are not ultimate--only God is ultimate. God tells us plainly that His ways and thoughts are infinitely higher than ours (Isaiah 55:9). Expect then, that Scripture will say things that don't agree with your natural way of thinking."

Today I'll toast to God's mercy.